Commentary: Coming Up Tails
by lollipop-mania
Summary: A DVD-like Commentary on the story Coming Up Tails.
1. Part I, Pages 1 to 16

Hey! So a lot of people had questions in the reviews and so all of those will be answered here. This is basically like a DVD commentary on my new story Coming Up Tails, so it's basically just my comments on things that I feel need to be expanded. There is A LOT left open or left to interpretation in the original story- esp the ending, but also the beginning and the whole process of Shikamaru's feelings towards her (and more explanation on Temari's POV) and why this is _not _a romance story.

Okay, have fun. (If you have anymore questions, don't hesitate to ask!)

(You should read the original story before reading this one. It's on my profile.)

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><p><strong>Coming Up Tails: Commentary Part I, Pages 1-17<strong>

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><p><em>To keep the lamp alive,<br>With oil we fill the bowl;  
>'Tis water makes the willow thrive,<br>And grace that feeds the soul. _

—William Cowper

**I chose this poem after finishing the story. I'd actually found the poem before I even began writing, but had decided to use a quote from Regina Spektor instead. The particular lyric I was going to use went:  
><strong>

_**Lady sing the blues so well  
>As if she mean it <strong>_

…

_**Lady lights a cigarette, puffs away, no regret  
>Takes a look around, no regrets, no regrets<br>Stretches out like branches of a poplar tree  
>She says, I'm free <strong>_

_**-Regina Spektor**_

**Of course the lady was meant to be Temari, and I had to change it because, as much as this story is about two people, it is about Shikamaru (though it really should be about her. Imagine what he's going through, then increase it tenfold). We only see Temari through his eyes, which is a very different picture than what is actually going on. But if you can apply this poem to Temari it might help paint a picture of her experience and how she felt about it. A friend of mine actually recommended using the other quote because in the end, it was about him and them together, and the first poem really represented to me what they were doing versus the Lady one, you know? Btw, William Cowper is a religious poet and this stanza is only the first of a poem describing dependence towards God. I myself am atheist, but I still find his work very very beautiful. **

It is the first time he has ever been called to her office without a scroll, the first time he had ever been escorted by ANBU guards; they're as silent as their footsteps falling along his loud ones on the floor. **I just now realized that was all one sentence. Probably not one of my best. If I had seen it earlier I would have changed the opening line. **

"Shikamaru," she says when he knocks, "come in." **Someone pointed out my tense confusion recently and I realized it was something I'd never noticed, but in all my stories my tenses are everywhere. I decided to do this in the present tense, which is new for me. My beta says I messed up a bit, but I didn't edit them, so apologies. **No one is waiting outside, and he feels the tendrils of warning in his gut. There is nothing casual about what she wants. **There are always people around her office, you know? It would be odd if you went by and there weren't, which is why he is suddenly anxious.**

"Hokage-sama," he greets, eyes calculating and on sudden alert as he stands before her. She is meeting his gaze, but with a hesitancy that makes her less daunting than she would probably like. **She doesn't like this any more than he does. **"How can I help you?"

Her hands smooth over the papers before her, long, delicate fingers that could kill him in an instant had she been so inclined, skirt over the paper as she finds her words. "I have a mission for you."

He is too tired for something so big so soon. He just returned from a month's long journey in the Mist the week before. But there is something about her today, and he is annoyed with the temptation and curiosity flirting through his brain.

"But before I say anything," she continues, "I want you to know that this is optional. I am proposing you for this assignment, but if you would rather not partake, I understand." **Someone pointed out that this is pretty OOC for Tsunade and she and Gaara wouldn't appease their daimyo's by doing this. But remember, it **_**is **_**for the benefit of the village and the threat of losing 20% of their economy is insane. Neither of them would force a ninja to do this (they're only asking for ones ranked Chunin or higher. Shikamaru recently made jonin) but there are a good amount that would volunteer. Of course, she is only asking Shikamaru because he knows Temari. She probably had enough sense not to ask anyone his age (they have so much ahead of them) and none of the Konoha 11.**

Now that was surprising. Although, as far as he knew, she had never threatened a mission's completion under death, it was rather implied that if you refused to do something, you were either reassigned or, depending on the circumstance, destined for very early retirement. But to have it specified that the following assignment wasn't required, well, it was enough to make him stand a bit straighter. Of course, this meant a bit, and his shoulders did slag, only less so. **I mean, he **_**is**_** Shikamaru.**

He gives a short nod and she continues.

"You know the daimyo funds almost twenty percent of this village's economy, not to mention full funding for the ninja academy and your benefit plan."

"I am aware of his influence, yes."

"Well," she pauses on her words, not quite unsure –she is much too wise for that— but rather hesitant. **She knows what she is asking, everything she is putting on him and I think she knows he'll say yes for Temari. Spoiler: Gaara requested Shikamaru... without Temari's input. Like Shikaku says (and Shikamaru muses) she would've rather had a stranger. **"He has asked a favor of me." **Stupid-ass daimyo. **

Shikamaru knows he won't accept the mission. As soon as he heard it was optional, he had no plan to. And if his friends weren't at risk, he had no reason to. But he waits anyway, his heart beating faster as she continues and he wishes he knew why.

"There is a program currently underway in Iwa to ensure that the next generation of shinobi will have the most optimal skills achievable by birth. They are pairing candidates from their own shinobi pool, often those retired from injury or those who can afford to suspend their work for a few years, and conceiving a child from that pairing. Iwa and Ame are working together in a negotiation that strengthens their alliance treaty and betters the expected greatness of their future leaders."

His mouth went dry. "You're arranging sexual unions to result in skilled offspring?" His voice was not his own.

She misses a beat, but then nods her head in a small jerk.

"_Children _are being born from a science experiment? And you want us to do this? Is that was this is? Hokage-sama, you can't—"

"Nara," she demands, "I know this is not an ideal situation for either of us, but the daimyo has asked that we participate in the same program for a few years, just to see how it goes. I wouldn't ask this of you, but you know the position he is putting me in. If I refuse, we will be unable to sustain ourselves in the luxury we live in now." **Twenty percent is huge. If they were to lose it, it would be very very bad for the village. **

He sighs, long and slow and utterly contradictory to the racing in his brain. She is asking him to father a child. A _child_! He is twenty years old; hardly old enough to take care of a girlfriend, much less a baby. He would be a father, and he would be one through something that far under-minded the love and dedication that went into the creation of the child. Sex is not meant to be prompted by a genetics experiment. Children were not supposed to be consequences of that. **I've always found him rather traditional in his beliefs (though of course always open to change). Besides his relation to Temari, he is also a good candidate because of his values with the future generation (see: Asuma's teachings). He knows they will be stronger and need the most protection. At the same time, he is more offended that she is asking him to create a child for political gain (rather than a natural conception between two loving adults) than he is about that fact that she is asking him to be a father. **

"The daimyo is insisting that we work with Suna, and since the Kazekage has been placed in the same position as me, we have decided to cooperate. I am asking that you participate in this first trial run. **This is a very key moment between Suna and Konoha. I know we (I) trust Gaara to be the most perfect bamf in the world, but even if the treaty is relatively sealed as long as Gaara and Naruto are together, by creating a good amount of children between the nations is the most sealed you can get. This is as paramount to foreign relations as it is the economic entrusting. **Your mate has been handpicked, everything you need throughout the program will be provided **(unfortunately we mean a bed, a room, etc.)**, and you will be given a stipend at the end of every month until death. Of course, once the mission is complete, you will also garner that pay." **In short she is promising a **_**lot **_** of money. The Nara's are a fairly prominent clan, but I think they're more upper-middle class. He isn't in **_**need **_**of money, but it certainly sweetens the deal. **

There is silence once more.

"I am sorry," he says at last, and the when she returns his words with a sigh and nod showing that she had assumed as much, he can only rub his neck and wait. It wasn't like he'd been considering the affirmative answer in the least.

And were this any other assignment he was refusing, he would offer replacements, but now the idea makes him sick.

He would never subject a comrade to this. And knowing some of them, they would volunteer for any chance to better the village.

"Right," Tsunade says, "as I expected. But I can't say I am not disappointed, you were a good choice." She straightens the folders in front of her and then waves her hand. "Okay, go away, Nara." **She switches to Nara as soon as the conversation turns easier. I bet he reminds her of his father in a lot of ways, and Nara is just an easier, general term. **

He shrugs as though this were merely a casual conversation. **I say casual too often!**

"And don't you dare tell anyone about this."

He nods and makes his way to the door before turning back, "Hokage-sama?"

"What?" She snaps.

"Why was _I_ a good choice? There are plenty more eligible, equally as fertile men my age, not to mention ones much more likely to take on the burden of serving their Kage." **She knew he was going to ask this, and thus she would mention Temari, and he would offer to do it. She is a very smart woman, no doubt about it.**

"You meant ones that aren't as lazy?"

"In a manner of speaking…" **We have **_**one **_**humorous line! **

The smirk she had donned quickly fades. "Besides the fact that your family's particular jutsu is very useful to the daimyo, the female that volunteered for the program has a personal connection to you. Since she is not acquainted with many other of Konoha's male shinobi, I figured it might be easier for her."

A personal connection? He only had met a handful of Suna-nins over the years. "You can't mean Sabaku no Temari?"

"I do."

"You mean Gaa— ah, the Kazekage, volunteered his own sister?"

Tsunade taps her chin, "I don't suppose so. He is not an unkind man. But, then again, they are from Suna."

If his breath came in any shorter, they'd have a suffocation on their hands.

"And she agreed?"

"She'll be here in three days to meet her partner."

"You will assign someone to…err, reproduce with her?" **He really can't believe it. Understandably, she is **_**Temari**_**.**

Tsunade glares at him. "I asked that you do it, but since you so kindly refused, I'll find someone else." She stands up, "now get out of here, Shikamaru. You're dampening my afternoon."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

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><p>He goes straight home after that, mind numb as he replays Tsunade's request and comments in his head.<p>

She had been serious. Serious in asking him to fuck some woman, get her pregnant, and then raise (_would _he even raise?) a child all for the benefit of the village? And it wasn't just some woman either. Tsunade had been asking him to mate with Temari. _Temari_.

They had been friends during their childhoods, late teens even. They still were friends. He hadn't seen her since he was sixteen, but it hardly mattered. He still liked her. **You know how that is. I'm still friends with people I haven't seen in ten years, but I remember them quite fondly. Of course, I think he is very much in love with Temari at the moment, but we'll get to that later. =p**

But to fuck her? To _conceive _with her? To conceive with any given woman was hard enough, but for it to be a friend? Isn't that worse? **Choose a random guy in your class and you'll understand what I mean. Also, think about having to have sex with someone, but not only that, they would have a child together. That is an insane thought, they would forever be bound by a new life they created together. **

But as much as the whole idea was bothering him, the one thought that continued to unwillingly nudge its way into his conscious was the knowledge that, since he had refused to do it, someone else would. **This has nothing to do with him wanting her (not consciously at least). He wants her to at least have the security of someone she knows and trusts. He wants to help her. Of course, even though he is about to insist he isn't jealous, and he isn't jealous per say, he does have a little bit of possession going on, though at a very subconscious level. In some very untapped way, he does want to be the father of her child. Not that he is jealous of someone sleeping with her, does that make sense? It is very hidden and not at all addressed till later on, but that is what is going on here.**

**But that is a VERY VERY important part of this story, so I will explore it more and more as I keep going (if you're still reading, that is! ;p)**

She has already volunteered. She will be having a child, regardless of his decision. And although he surely didn't want it to be his, he didn't want it to be anyone else's either.

Not that he doesn't want Temari touched by someone else. Well, he doesn't. But it isn't a jealousy thing. He isn't _jealous_. Far from it. **See, he isn't jealous of someone else sleeping with her. At the time, sleeping with her wasn't something that currently interested him. **

He isn't in love with her or anything. **Yeah. Mhm. **Hell, he _has _a girlfriend, one who isn't asking him to father her child. But he doesn't want Temari, any of his friends really, to mate with a random volunteer. It is the least he can do for her, really.

But this isn't a little consequence.

What _about _Tomomi? Would she accept the fact that he was going to have sleep with another woman and have her bear his child? Would his girlfriend understand it was for a mission? One that didn't really mean life or death; would she understand? **The addition of Tomomi has no real purpose but to add to his dilemma. She isn't a huge part of his decision, but she is a big part of him realizing (though I never delved into this) that he does, in fact, like Temari in a romantic way. Poor Tomomi! (Is it just me, or do I often have Shikamaru involved with someone else? There was in Prisoner... and Mistake... and maybe Frustrations (I honestly don't remember) oh, and there is in Come Back When You Can (_did _I mention that? Does anyone know? Or did I just spoil something. Oh shit, nevermind!)... but it _was _Temari who was with someone in DG, okay... I'm done. Sorry.)**

Though that was hardly a consequence.

He would have a child. A _fucking _kid. His child would be birthed from a conspiracy in his own village, a scientific experiment versus being made from love in a caring and supportive household. **It was all very 'at once!' Asking him to sleep with someone, but then asking him to suddenly have a child. Remember, he **_**is **_**twenty. He is rather unfeeling at this moment**

Good god, if his father ever found out he'd considered it, Shikaku would _kill _him. **He doesn't give Shikaku enough credit. I think Shikaku definitely understands the position Shikamaru is in and, to a degree, has a suspicion that his son is in love with her, so he doesn't argue Shikamaru's decision. **He couldn't even begin to consider telling his mother. **He is right on target with Yoshino though. I imagine when he does tell her (Shikaku instructs him to near the end) she flips the fuck out. And Shikaku doesn't defend him at all. **

That is— if he agreed.

Which he couldn't. He just couldn't. He couldn't have a child for the bettering of Konoha and the pleasuring of the daimyo.

Even if Temari could, he couldn't.

And why the fuck was she? If anyone, _anyone, _could get out of this, it would be her. **This is true. **But he hardly could being to imagine that Gaara had asked her in the first place. Which made him wonder why she had ever signed up for something like this: she would give her body to some Konoha male, take his seed, and grow a living child in her body for nine months.

Temari is the last person he would have figured for this.

Shikamaru pauses inside his bedroom door. His bed is dusty; the blankets wrinkled and piled on the bottom of the bed from where he kicked them off that morning. Had he said yes, in three days' time, Temari would be in this bed. He would make love –no, he could hardly call it such— he would engage in sexual intercourse on this very mattress in hopes of creating new life. How would it work? Would they both be undressed? Would it even be in this bed? Would it be in the hospital? Hell, was it even sex at all? Did he just jerk into some petri dish and have his child conceived in a laboratory? If he said yes, would he even have to see Temari at all? **If this was legit, this is probably how it would happen. But maybe Konoha needs to keep up appearances. They need to be able to prove that they're future generation wasn't a conspiracy? Idk. **

With one longer sigh, Shikamaru collapses onto the bed and groans.

He knew today would hardly be casual. _**Again! **_**I need more words (a thesaurus would be helpful too. Christmas anyone? XD). **

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><p>There never really was another option. As soon as Tsunade had said it was Temari, he'd had no choice. Of course he'd say yes. How could he refuse?<p>

**Always a fan of short things like this. **

**He had never really considered saying no after knowing it was her, just as Tsunade and Gaara figured. But he slept on it and then reported to her the next morning. **

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><p>The next day, he goes over his assignment as Tomomi cooks dinner. <strong>I imagine her with short (boy-short) black hair and a cute face. They get along quite well. Of course, her looks mean nothing, but this is how I picture her. (Like shinigamiii said: a love child between Temari and Ino, but this is just her personality. She is rather pale a dark, which is nothing like his two blonde ladies). <strong>She is going on a mission soon, a short one with her team, which works out for him rather well. **I'm making her a Chunin. **He is still unsure how to tell her about this whole thing. Their relationship isn't very serious, but she certainly deserves to be aware of his mission. **She won't understand it. Why would he take the mission if he had the choice not to? She would know it had more to it than just helping a friend. **

He should tell her tonight, tell her beforehand. She will be angry if he tells her after the fact, and this is supposedly their last date before she leaves for two weeks.

But he doesn't know how.

How does he tell her any of this?

Apparently, the baby-making portion of this assignment is carried out the old fashioned way. He knows the routine well enough. This goes in that. He knows the feel of an orgasm. He knows what happens; he knows how semen ejaculates, how it looks and how it feels. He knows, has known for a good number of years, that that sticky substance is the foreground for pregnancy. He knows that he will come inside Temari's uterus and the result of that will be a child. **He knows how pregnancy works, but to imagine that his come is what will ultimately make a child is kind of daunting. It'd never been a worry of his before. **

He will have to engage in sex with Temari. **This bothers him mostly because of the feeling going into it. It isn't a spur of the moment or after a date thing (see below) and this is weird for him. If she'd simply initiated sex by coming over, he'd certainly be fine with it (he wouldn't because he has a girlfriend, but you know what I mean). **

He has never planned to engage in sex. It always just happened. And even if he had been looking forward to it, he had still had some surprise after a date when the woman kissed him.

He had never gone somewhere with the clear intention of having sex. **Could you imagine waking up being like "I'm going to go into this building for sex?" Apparently, in this story he's never been to a brothel. **

But he would have to. Every other day until pregnant. Ino has always been worried about getting knocked up if she has unprotected sex once. **Unfortunately, this is often how it happens. **He has always figured that to be true, once or twice without protection was likely to result in pregnancy, but apparently not. He and Temari would be having sex a good number of times, as had been made clear in the briefing. They would have sex every other day in room 706 in the hospital at six pm.

Twenty-four hours later, a medic will be able to tell if she was in fact pregnant, and depending on the results, they will either continue the next night or she will return to the Sand. **I imagine medic-nins would be able to tell if the sperm took ASAP. But, of course, the timeline needs to be more spread out. Plus, the accuracy is probably greatly increased after 24 hrs (it's around noon though, so more like 18 hrs?)**

Shikamaru groans low in his throat, shoving the paper describing his assignment back into the folder it'd come from.

"Everything okay?"

He glances up to see Tomomi's smiling face. "Yeah, just tired is all."

He won't raise the child. She or he will be raised in Suna. He has no parental claim. He could easily serve his village without acknowledging the consequences. That is how it is supposed to go. The child will not be his. It will be Temari's. It will belong to Sunagakure. **In another couple that is probably doing this, the mother will be from Konoha as will the child. Fact!**

Tomomi is in the kitchen, back hunched over, as she no doubt tries to discover what went wrong with her food. It is fruitless, he knows, she is just too stubborn to admit that she can't cook. **She _is_ awfully cute. **

But she looks damn good doing it. Her short black hair is all messy with the sweat from anxiety and heat from the oven; her cheeks are red and her narrowed eyes bright.

He doesn't really have to tell her. It's the same as accidentally getting a one-night stand pregnant and not having her tell you you have a kid. He knows quite a few older men whom were stationed in foreign lands during the war that have had this happen to them. He really can pretend it is exactly the same.

He doesn't have to tell her at all.

"Fine," Tomomi snaps after having thoroughly examined her food, "get your coat. We're going out."

He slips the folder into his vest. He won't bother looking at it for a few more days. **In other words: he is too chicken to tell her.**

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><p>He dreams of Temari that night. He dreams of how they used to walk through the streets side by side, bumping hips in the occasional bustle in a way that shot lightning through his veins. He was so naïve then, so young and innocent that the occasional thought of touching other parts of Temari made him blush. <strong>He was certainly attracted to her. He'd probably been this way since he was thirteen (wait, was he twelve?) but it takes a long time for one to notice these things sometimes. <strong>

He is much older now; he has touched other women in ways he had never dreamt about with her. He probably won't touch her in those ways. It will probably be as simple as possible, as easy and as professional as they can make it.

She was always the professional kunoichi. **He does acknowledge her professionalism, but he does not think she will take it to the degree she does. He just means he will not engage in much foreplay and his main goal will not be to make her feel good, as it would be if he were sleeping with her recreationally. He knows it takes more for women to get off, and he doesn't think he will be strained into making her come, but he certainly doesn't think it'll be as mechanical as she makes it. **

He dreams about training with her when she was eighteen, eating lunch on her breaks as he guided her around Konoha. He dreams about the last time he saw her, out to dinner with their friends. She was laughing and teasing, and he knows she will probably not be like that for a long time after this.

He will probably never remember her like this again. It is sad and it is nostalgic and wrong and he wishes he could only remember her when she was young.

He wakes up too early. **I purposefully use this line twice. Did you guys notice that? (I'll point it in Part II)**

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><p>Shikamaru arrives at the hospital early, which is rare for him. The attendant there to meet him is visibly surprised as he glances at his ID. Apparently, someone had told him that Shikamaru was going to be very late, if he even showed at all.<p>

In normal circumstances, Shikamaru would smirk at this man's stuttering and anxiety, but he is no mood now.

He is led to the top floor of this hospital. He has only been up here once, and that was because Ino had to visit Sakura. Her office is at the end of this hall. He wonders if she knows what will be going on behind door 706. Probably not. Sakura was no good at keeping thoughts to herself, and he was pretty sure she would've had a lot of thoughts about this. **I'm a bit Sakura obsessed. I will always have her appear whenever possible. (fucking love that girl)**

His attendant leads him to the foreboded room. The man is dressed in brown slacks, and Shikamaru suddenly worries that his own clothing choice is wrong. He is wearing his standard uniform. Would civilian clothes have been easier? **He still doesn't know the play-by-play. He doesn't know how he'll be taking them off, if he even will.**

"Here you are," the attendant says, opening the door with a key from the chain attached to his hip. **It locks from the inside. **"I'll be right outside. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." **His job is basically the keep watch and clock when they go in, when they leave, and silently observe each of them. They are scheduled to show up at different times he gets to see them both. He is the one who reports to the head of this operation who then gives word to the two Kages.**

"Right." He is nervous as fuck and he shoves his hands in his pockets to ward off any twitching fingers. **He can feel his whole body shaking. He is too nervous to worry about Temari at this moment and until she arrives, his thoughts are purely selfish. **

"Candidate H4," he remembers, it wasn't done by name. He wonders then, had his partner not been Temari, would he even have known her name? **Remember, this is all done very anonymously. Although she certainly knows Shikamaru very well and he her, this is supposed to be under-wraps. He can't tell anyone about this. He will have a child and he won't be able to stake claim, in any sense. The kid will be Temari's and Suna's and he might as well be an anon doner, seeing as the kid shouldn't even hear his name. **"Will arrive shortly."

"Yes," Shikamaru replies as he enters the room. The door shuts behind him.

It is almost six. He has a few minutes at most.

The room was made for this program, it appears. There is a bathroom adjoined, but apart from that, the only furniture is a dresser, a television, and a bed. A large bed. One far larger than his own. He wonders if others have engaged in the same thing he is about to on this bed. He trusts that it has been cleaned, though the thought still irks him. **While he and Temari are a test run for this program, this room has been set up with a fairly clear purpose. I have a suspicion that this practice was not uncommon a few generations ago. Oh, and I meant to say this before—this **_**isn't **_**that unusual. Look at the Hyuugas and Uchihas (pre-massacre). They are a long line, a series even, of arranged marriages. These marriages are probably done to create standing, wealth, and most certainly the highest caliber of off-spring. Much like sexual selection, arranged marriages seem to be rather common among the elite. While he and Temari are not getting married, they are being forced to produce, which is certainly an aspect of arranged marriages. **

But it is really the last thing on his mind.

The sheets are white –no surprise there— and the mattress is soft. He opens the dresser to find extra blankets and pillows, as well as drawers filled with every type of lubricant imaginable. **He is lucky he is able to get off without them, I figure. I bet if his partner were anyone else, the pornography and shit would come in handy. **There's a number of sex toys as well, some he has seen before and others he can't even begin to recognize. There are a few outfits to match, and a handful of porn tapes, which explains the TV.

"Will we be needing that?" **She's caught him now, and as far as I see it, it is all she can say to lighten the mood. Of course, we're on Temari now. She has been traveling for days, has probably been in her hotel for a day or two, is about to give up her life for the next five or so years, and is basically flipping the fuck out. **

**But unlike Shikamaru, who is just a bundle of nerves, she is so hardened, she doesn't even think about it. **

**I imagine she argued with Gaara over him accepting the daimyo's conditions and when she realized he was going to refuse (he was, as was Tsunade probably) she volunteered, knowing she had to. Gaara understands her very well and surely understood her reasons and though he probably advised her against it, knew that it was her sense of duty and her choice. Neither of them told Kankuro (for obvious reasons).**

**But right now she is very cold and unresponsive and just… going through the motions. She feels weak and disrespected but at the same time powerful. But her body is being wielded as a tool rather than her mind and she can't even respect herself for protecting the kunoichi of her village because she is essentially selling herself. **

**Also, she isn't glad to see Shikamaru. She knew it was going to be him, but she'd rather it someone else, as I said before. Someone she wasn't personally related to. This will forever ruin a friendship she is sure she doesn't want to lose. But she is not responsive enough to pipe up and argue it. **

He hadn't even realized the door was open.

She looks much younger than he'd pictured. She looks the same as she had three years before, in any sense. Perhaps she has lost some weight, or maybe gained some, he isn't sure, but something about her body looks slightly different. Perhaps her chest was larger? **It's her hips, always. **

"Shikamaru," she said, shutting the door behind her.

It was something that he'd realized a few days before, but suddenly the feeling came crashing down hard and swift upon his shoulders. Standing not three feet away from him was the mother of his future child.

"Temari." Her name comes from his lips in a single pant.

This was wrong. But all other words were lost to him, and he could only watch her as she swallowed and met his gaze. **He is all fidgety and she stands very still.**

"How are you?"

She is as nervous as he is, but he can see the determination ingrained into her features, and he isn't sure if he could keep up with her. **I mean to point out that she has accepted it as her duty whereas he is still confused and anxious. **But he could at least try. **He was here to protect her but now she is out on top. **

His shrug is syncopated, almost unseen.

She shifts her weight around a bit, eyes scanning the room before settling on him once more. She licks her lips and he is sure her throat is as dry as his. A few beats pass before she reaches into her obi and pulls out a handful of small bottles. He takes one from her and downs it in moments. The burn is tight and his eyes water, after another bottle, he has found that this is just enough to take the edge off, though barely. **The attendant's idea. **

"Shall we," she says, cheeks as red as his. **The image isn't a blush of embarrassment. She is more flushed from a rush of strong liquor and humiliation for what she is about to do. He is certainly these two things as well, but he is definitely blushing about the sex part. **Three empty bottles are in her hands. She was smarter than him. He should have thought of that.

She gestures to the bed and his chest burns. "Right…. Uh, how should I…?" **She's taking control here, and I think that is very expressive of where they're both at in this. He is probably much taller (though probably skinnier) than her and certainly less intoxicated, but she is the one telling him to get on with it. After all, he asks her where he should go. **He comes over to her, breath hitting her neck and he can feel her stiffen, breathe, and then attempt to relax. This feels all wrong and sick as his lips touch her neck, his fingers wandering into her obi to tug her closer. But if not him, then someone else. If he weren't touching her, someone else would be. **Shikamaru has this image, as I already mentioned, of real sex. He thinks they'll have normal, albeit awkward, sex where they're probably only slightly aroused and it'll be very **_**very**_** mediocre. But he thinks they'll kiss and take off their clothes together and the whole deal. In his mind, he doesn't know any other way. **

Her skin is hot beneath him. His breath wets her neck and her inhalations become quick. He can feel her breasts pressing against his front and the beating of her pulse as his lips push harder into her neck. He can feel the arousal, odd and surprising, but certainly needed and wanted, beginning in his gut. **He is very surprised at how easy it was. And I think this is the first time we see that Shikamaru acknowledges Temari in a "more than just this mission" way. His body responded in moments, and that's not normal, esp. in this situation. His feelings for her have been untapped, but this is certainly a hint. **It is certainly not uncomfortable. If they try this, if it is done this way, perhaps it will be okay. If they pretend this is normal, then maybe it could be. He could certainly try to keep up the appearance.

It would be easier. And he can feel his own arousal, pretending as such.

So he is surprised when she places a hand on his chest and pushes away. **She can feel him pressing hard against her and she can see where this is going. She is certainly not aroused in the least, not in any emotional way. Of course her body has grown more aroused, but this is something barely registered for her. She just wants this part to get over with, and hopefully, this will be the last time they have to do it. **He sees her eyes and every warm feeling in his gut disappears in seconds. If she had only continued to pretend. But she can't do it. Her features are cold and hardened and disgusted. **He has trouble seeing her disgusted. And it is not that she is feel gross, but the look, though very accidental, appeared pointed towards him, as if she is disgusted by what he was doing. Which in a sense, she was, as he was by turning it into something it wasn't, but she wasn't trying to give him any sort of expression either way. **

He feels sickened.

"I can do it," she says, pulling out the ties of her obi and letting it fall to the floor. He stand(**there should be an S right here! Sorry for my grammatical errors**) back to allow her more room, heart beating audibly.

She pulls apart her robe, revealing a white bra and black panties. She could be sexy, he doesn't doubt that. She always had been sexy. **Another time he hints that his feelings for her might be a little more intense than platonic as he had obviously observed her 'sex appeal' back when they were young. **But the way she undresses before him is mechanical, as though she were having a checkup. She is stiff and uncomfortable, and what little erection he has left quickly dies out.

She catches him watching and shoots him a look. **He isn't ogling her, that's for sure. But he is looking at her, and as far as she sees it, he isn't supposed to. She also can't discern the meaning of his expression, and she doesn't like this. He is both confused, fascinated, and disgusted, and neither of them know what to make of it. **With a gulp, Shikamaru begins unzipping his vest and shedding it onto the floor. There are no hangers in the dresser. **I originally had a draft where I stopped here. This scene is self-explanatory in that the sex will be awkward and odd and pretty disturbing, but then I figured it would be better if I actually wrote down this (rather torturous) scene to demonstrate explicitly how bad it was. Did you imagine it worse? Or was the following what you would have pictured had I ended it there? (This question serves only to help me with my future stories). **

When they are both only in their underwear, he looks back at her. The alcohol has certainly helped. At least he can speak now. But he wishes she had more of it.

"How do you want—"

"Lie down." The instruction is harsh, but he complies. If she wants to makes this all the more awkward, she can. Before he knows it, her bra and underwear are off and she is straddling him.

He tries not the glance at her body, but with her breasts dangling above his face she is making it hard. **He wants to do this for her, and make it as easy for her as possible. If she doesn't want him to get any 'satisfaction' (considering that an orgasm itself isn't satisfaction, I mean the legit satiated feeling after having good sex) from this event then he will comply and not stare at her.** But even with her own naked groin pressed against his barely clothed one, he is having trouble getting hard. He wills his cock to just shoot up, and it begins to as she grinds herself against him. But just as he can see the blush and torment on her face as her own body betrays her by growing wet, he feels in the wrong to have his dick so eager. **Again, the blush is not from shy embarrassment, but rather deep humiliation and regret. **He knows it must be, and he knows that any man with a curvy woman posed on top of him would get aroused, but he feels like a sick, perverted boy nonetheless.

Before he is fully erect, she pushes down his briefs and positions herself over him.

The sex is awkward and not right. She rocks herself against him in a pattern that resembles textbook sex rather than the kind that one's body subconsciously moves towards. **This time it is Temari leading it, but they quickly learn from this and from then on Shikamaru marks his movement in a way that will end each meeting faster. **

Only breaths come from her, not deep or whimpered ones, no groans or moans, but tame ones, and when she tells him with a voice as even as if they were merely having tea that he should hurry up, it is all he can do to keep his cock hard. He is so close to losing it, and every time he looks at her face he comes a bit closer.

Shikamaru's eyes wander towards the ceiling. The panels of the wood look old and worn, a breeze is threatening the window and light is waning on the floor and across the bed.

There is a man standing right outside and Shikamaru wonders if the attendant can hear the bedsprings. **He can't. **

Besides the throbbing of his racing heart, the squeaking of the springs is all Shikamaru can hear. **Imagine five or so minutes of straight bedsprings—no groans or anything, no shifting. Just the same squeak after squeak of very uncomfortable spring. **

He is so far away from coming, he hardly registers the feeling of her heat encasing his cock. It is taking too long and he wishes it would be over. He has never expected it would be like this, sex with Temari… sex in general. **Although this strongly hints that he **_**has **_**fantasized about sleeping with her before, it isn't meant as one of the vague hints. Although he has certainly thought about Temari in a sexual manner before (we saw this in his dream) he has thought about sex with her a lot recently in a not very arousing manner, so his reference to imagining sex w/ Temari is more a reference to that. But to note, while his imaginings were not very heated, they were certainly more so than this. As said above, he's never imagined sex to be like… _that_. **It shouldn't be like this. And the quicker this ends, the better.

The muscles folded beneath the skin of his stomach are twisting. They are alive and hard as she rests her hands on his lower abs to increase the depth of her movement. He appreciates the effort, but he is too distracted to assure her.

"Will it help if you touch me?" She asks. **Code: how else can I whore myself out so you can finish quicker? **His hands grasp her hips, and he knows what she is asking. She doesn't want him to touch her where he wants to. He wants to bury his hand between her legs, rub circles on that tight nub of nerves right above where they meet.

He wants to make her flinch and scream and writhe around him. The thought makes his balls tighten. **Again, a definite hint to his feelings for her. But also again, this has more to do with the general idea. If he thinks of her as a sexual object it will be easy to get off. (Though denial!Shikamaru certainly would like to see her beg for him! :D)**

But this is only a silent room with an attendant outside and two very tortured people trying to force the impossible.

She isn't asking him to touch _her_. **For some reason this sentence says that she as a person is also her vagina…. Idk where that came from (it has no double meaning) but I just don't why I wrote that. You guys get what I am saying though, right? I don't mean to propose that they are one and the same, though I guess you could say he see's rubbing her off as touching a **_**very **_**intimate part that defines her, whereas her breasts are more… common? Out there? Idk where I am going with this… nevermind. **

She doesn't want to make it feel right. She wants him to get it over with. So instead of making it better for the both of them, his hands wander to her breasts like she asked. **I was fairly unsure about this. I was going to make him touch her and her flinch (not in a happy way) and **_**specify **_**that there should be no touching there or something… but I think Shikamaru knows her enough to pick up on what she means. And although she doesn't realize it now, when she thinks over this whole event the next day, she is very aware of how much he understood her and how much he sacrificed in that half hour of entering and exiting room 706 to appease to her rules. This doesn't make her any less depressed, but in many ways, this is when she begins to realize what he is giving up for this mission also, as beforehand she's been so engrossed in her own life. (As he kind of was too). She does know that her sacrifice is larger than his, but does admit to this being a two-person ordeal. **

They are firm in his hand, heavy and full and so help him if it doesn't wave a line of heat back down to his cock. **Remember? He used to think about touching her… (thought I might point that out). **His hips jump and she nods approval. But nothing more happens and it takes her leaning back and rolling his balls in her palms before anything pushes him off the edge.

He always knew orgasms were great, and he had always figured there was no such thing as a bad one, only less degrees of wonderful. **Ngl, I have found this to be very true. (Haven't we all?). Btw, stole that line. Only it wasn't about orgasms, but coffee. As in, there is no such thing as bad coffee, only less degrees blah blah blah. **But this is bad, and he feels disgusting once it's over, hissing through clenched teeth.

**Not mentioned: She doesn't feel sick after. She feels nothing but a realization that this whole part of the mission could be over.**

Temari climbs off him when he finishes, throwing her legs off the bed and grabbing her robe from the floor. **A shower is very much needed. **She makes her way to the bathroom before turning around and shooting him a glance.

Her hair is perfectly arrayed, her cheeks a little too red, but no one would ever assume she'd just had sex.

If it could even be called that.

He didn't know any definition of sex that would cover what had just happened here. **Can anyone think of one?**

He hears the sound of running water and is instantly jealous that she has the shower. His cock is covered in her and he wishes he could wash it off. **I love this line. I think it really describes what he is going through. He just had sex with someone and yet when he see's the aftermath (and what a mighty thing: her arousal all over what "makes him a man". As a girl of course, this is just my interpretation, but I imagine this must be a very big ego boost in general) and finds it horrible. We also get a strong image and remembrance of what just occurred. **

The pane of the window rattles in the against and wind. It's a good night for rain. _**Wash away feelings kind of rain!**_

* * *

><p>He knows why she is doing this. He is not stupid. <strong>(Though it <strong>_**did **_**take him a day or two).**

He has known for days, and when he asked her before they parted ways the day before, she had only confirmed it with far less words. **For that one anon: this was **_**not **_**shown. Just mentioned to show that there was some conversation after her shower.**

Gaara had never asked her to do this. Fuck, he'd probably fought it. As in Konoha, there were many kunoichi that were willing to do it, most even already had children with husbands whom happened to be shinobi. **Both arranged and regular.**

Shikamaru himself was the product of such a birth. **(Regular of course)**. It was stupid for the daimyo to be requesting that it be done through a program rather than a common marriage. **Doesn't it suck when daimyos think they can understand ninjas?**

But there were some who would accept it, it had happened before. And Temari had done it simply so those who would didn't have to. She'd volunteered herself to protect her village; she'd done it so someone else wouldn't have to.

He'd done it for the same reasons, though his were slightly skewed. He'd done it so she wouldn't have to do it with someone else. He was protecting her, because if he didn't, no one would.

There is a note waiting on his doorstep the next day. The test was negative. **It says the same thing everyday, which is mentioned in the end. Something like: are you free tomorrow? I don't quite remember it exactly. But in case you didn't get it, it is an inadvertent way of saying she is still not pregnant and they need to meet tomorrow and the scheduled time to try once more. **

He crumples the paper and throws it into the street. **He'd rather not see her again. Ever. **

* * *

><p>He is late today, and the attendant is flustered once more. Shikamaru wonders if he could hear them have sex two days before. He wonders what this man knows of the mission and what he thinks about it.<p>

Temari is wearing her robe again, but her obi is already gone and she is not wearing underwear. She did not bring along any alcohol this time.

He wishes she had.

"Evening," he says, upset his voice betrayed his nerves.

"Evening."

He wonders if she feels like a common whore, saying one or two words before spreading her legs. He wonders if she is, in some sense. **She kind of is. Now I don't think being a prostitute is that bad, but unless you chose the career, I'd feel awful to be giving something like that up for payment. **

They don't say anything more as she parts her clothing, but keeps it on, and lies out on the mattress. **She lets him take control this time, is letting him dictate his own movement. It is not as mechanical, he grinds into her for his own enjoyment and it definitely ends faster (or maybe not, but without the thrill of having sex with her for the first time, it would take **_**hours **_**to get off if they were doing it the same way). It probably actually **_**does **_**take longer, but I imagine them being both very removed. She probably doesn't feel anything, and is off daydreaming or something. He, as always, is concentrating. **

* * *

><p>He watches her body as she moves above him. Her thighs have a few scars, but good medic-nins probably healed most of her lacerations. He knows the scars on his skin are far and few between simply because of Ino's growing precision in her field.<p>

He owes that girl a lot. **I just love their friendship so much!**

She saw him the other day walking down the street. She had asked him to lunch and when he refused, yelled for a bit **(it **_**is **_**Ino) **before bringing up Temari. Of course she'd seen the girl around town, it was silly of him to assume that Temari was holing up in a hotel or something. **Ino is well aware of their old friendship (and probably had definite suspicions about his feelings towards Temari, which have surely faded since she hasn't seen them together anymore, but when she used to, she always teased him, see: TAGAMT chapter 3, ignoring the whole they kissed part and reading the Team 10 shogi game, see if you could apply that, w/o kiss, to this and you may see what I mean).**

**Ino just finds it odd that Shikamaru hasn't been hanging out with Temari. They used to be friends. **

But he isn't sure how to react when Ino mentions her.

If only Ino knew where they were now. **He wishes he could tell her, but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to get the words out to her. **

"Are you okay?" she asks. She's always gentle with him, but the hesitation in her touch reminds him that this isn't real. This isn't Temari. **In a figurative sense. **And he has no doubt that if this arrangement was at all natural, she'd be far from gentle. **Again—he's imagining 'real people' sex with her! (Idk what that phrase means (I mean… as opposed to fake people?) but I like the way it sounds.)**

The thought carries him away for a moment, and his hips start matching hers. He feels the change in her as she lets him take over.

**[[Yoooo, I'm in the library at school and writing this and this little chick I've never seen before (all freshman look the fucking same) walks by with a picture of Gaara on her shirt! I've never seen a Naruto shirt at school before. She is sitting a table in front of me **_**right now!**_**]]**

**Okay, back to the story. **

He's always gone slowly, setting the pace he is most comfortable with. One that doesn't allow for the slapping of skin and the bouncing of bodies. He likes slow, hard rocking of hips. If she wanted, he would move differently. He is adaptable, but she hasn't shown any inclination either way. He briefly wonders what positions and rhythms she likes. **See, there are definite hints as to his inclinations towards her. But I want to make it **_**ABSOLUTELY **_**clear that these feelings have not grown since this story began and are not being made in this story. This has happened long before this even takes place. Some things, like this, are just quizzical thoughts prompted from sleeping with her. **

But the thought of her in bed with him, _really _in bed, is disturbing after he comes to his senses. **"…comes to his sense"—yes, he did get carried away there and intensified his rhythm. **But this newfound rhythm is working and he can feel his balls begin to tighten. He switched to Tomomi; to the last time they had great sex.

They were playing shogi; she had pushed aside the board and straddled his hips, quite like Temari was doing now. Only Tomomi had kissed him, she had teased his lips with hers, his jaw with her tongue. **Kissing is very important for him and for sex. It enables a much closer connection than sex sans kissing does. **Temari didn't tease. But at least she acknowledged that he was also suffering through this, which was good enough for now. **She is certainly better about it this time (and gradually more so over the past week) than that first time when she hardly took him into consideration at all. **

When he finishes and she pulls off him to take the shower first, he rubs his eyes. If he weren't feeling like such shit, he would probably enjoy seeing her leggy form enter the bathroom. **I like this part too. =p (feeling like shit line inspired from Nathan's masturbation-into-sock monologue from **_**Misfits**_**)**

"Hey Temari," he calls –using the honorific feels wrong these days— "can I ask you something?"

She pokes her head out the door. She hates when he talks afterwards, and he knows it, but it is the only time he has an excuse to. They have to talk, at some point. They are having a child together. **They don't. They're not supposed to. They **_**aren't **_**having a child together, rather, **_**she **_**is having **_**his **_**child. But he feels the need to see her, to discuss everything. He also has a lot of trouble reasoning that it really won't be his son/daughter and he won't get to raise him/her. Obviously, Shikamaru's in denial about a lot of things. **But it isn't like he can show up to her hotel room. **(**_**Well**_**…)**

"How long does it usually take for someone to get pregnant?"

He can see her stiffen at the word, which is something she surely shouldn't be doing. **What he means is, she shouldn't be doing this is she isn't prepared and can't even be calm that she'll be pregnant. (See: hypocrite). **

"We both took the test, Shikamaru," she counters, going back into the bathroom. "We're both very fertile, so it shouldn't be long." **I didn't show this, but I assume when he went to Tsunade accepting the mission, she sent him to the hospital to have his sterility tested. They had to know how healthy his sperm count was and make sure that he can have children. Same with her. **

It'd been over a week already.

They'd had sex five times. And everyday, nothing. Sakura had gotten pregnant the first time she had sex (or so Ino said, neither Sakura nor Kakashi were keen on talking about such matters) **[[**_**see what I did thereeee? **_**I have been shipping them so hard it isn't even funny.]]** and Ino herself had lectured him for hours when he started having sex. Apparently, she didn't find the custom sexual-education he'd had from their old sensei to be adequate enough. **Would it be though? I mean…. Asuma never even admitted he'd been **_**having **_**sex with her in the first place! (But can we talk about how the canon!ShikaTema relationship has all the same fucking scenes as Asuma and Kurenai in part one… and they were secretly together the whole time! I love canon things. XD)**

And yet, Temari's egg remained unfertilized, or whatever the fuck was supposed to happen.

"Right," he says, sitting up and tugging his briefs back into place.

Temari sighs loud enough for him to hear. She turns on the shower and then lets the water run as she comes back into the room. She has a towel wrapped around her body, but it has been getting dark early as they fall deeper into winter and neither had thought to turn on the light. **This also means that while he has seen her naked, he hasn't seen much of her. It is relatively dark. It's December, so it gets dark at like… 5. They're meeting every night at 6. **She is only a silhouette as she joins him on the edge of the bed.

She thinks it over before placing a hand on his bicep. He flinches at the touch and she moves away. **I debated putting this in there, but I wanted to point out that he is still very uncomfortable around her. Had he initiated the contact with her, she would have flinched too. **

"It'll be over soon."

He grunts. "Don't console me, Tem. If either of us need pity, it's you."

She runs a hand through her loose hair, "mm. I had a choice, Shikamaru." She curls her fingers over her knee. "I chose this." **It's meant to show that she's grown more accepting of the mission and wary of his feelings too. Which is also said above.**

Shikamaru swallows, not wanting to argue, though he knows a fight is really what he needs. "I did too." **I think they both really need a fight. They need to stop taking this so calmly and just flip the fuck out, which neither of them are really capable of. I'll talk more about this later, as it is part of why she has sex with him in her hotel room. She just needs to do _something_.**

She bites her lip. He wonders why she can't stop fidgeting. **I say he wonders a lot too… and she can't stop fidgeting because she is well aware of **_**him**_**, something that hasn't been considered in a long time. She is talking to him, which hasn't happened. They are talking about this, which hasn't happened, etc. etc. **"I know." She says before standing up again and going to her shower, but she stops before the door. "You can come with me tomorrow, to the medic, I mean." **Like I said, this is her "peace" offering as she realizes that he has some shit too. They have pretty much been at odds and in many ways, she hates him for doing this to her, though he's only helping her and is at no fault, you know the feeling? Blaming someone subconsciously because it is easy?**** Of course, she probably deeply regrets this the next day when she realizes just how inappropriate that is. He shouldn't come with her. In all reality, the terms of the mission probably say that they shouldn't even **_**see **_**one another outside of room 706. Plus seeing the doctor is something lovers do together, and so this offer is very more meaningful than she necessarily meant it to be. Also, Shikamaru isn't supposed to care about this child, only that it is conceived in quick time. **

He was left alone in a shabby room wondering how the most intimate moment with the mother of his future child had occurred with hardly any words passed between them. **And it was- very intimate,I mean. **

**As of now: Temari, while still a fucking wreck, is beginning to accept that she will raise a child, but she is still horribly depressed and horribly angry. She is also beginning to acknowledge Shikamaru and his problems, but she is still very removed and withdrawn. Compared to where they were that first night, they've made only a small bit of progress in overcoming this. She is not comfortable with him in the least, and in all reality feels like she is being sexually assaulted every single night. He can only begin to imagine what she is going through. **

**Shikamaru is just taking it all in, he is going through the motions as much as she is, and is otherwise pretending like everything is alright. **

* * *

><p>Okay, that's all I have for part one. If anyone actually read this, then thank you! I'll post part II tomorrow at some point. (If you answer the questions I posed in here, I will love you forever!)<p>

TBC


	2. Part II, Pages 17 to 33

Here we go again! This part finishes the story, and also has the full ending drafted out. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>He's been waiting all morning, probably got up early and wandered around aimlessly through his house as he dreaded the next few hours. <strong>She comes to his door at noon as previously arranged. She looks very different than in she does in room 706. (**There is not a mistake in that sentence **_**at all! **_**(sorry)) **Her eyes are no less foreboding and she doesn't seem at all happier, but she is certainly different.

Temari is wearing civilian clothing, a normal shirt and pants. He can almost forget what she is doing at his door and simply pretend a pretty girl has come to visit for his company. **If you're trying to picture this, it is winter, so although accidentally omitted, she is in a coat. **

But he can't.

They head off towards the hospital where, in a procedure that takes no more than five minutes, a nurse (apparently one specialized in this area of expertise) places her hands on Temari's stomach, emits some pink (how maternal) colored chakra, and then confirms whether or not any of his sperm took. **I** **figure with them being shinobi and medics, they have some sort of capability to find out if there is a change in the body pretty much as soon as it happens. I mean, that's totally just my imagination, but it works for the purposes of this fic and I figure is somewhat believable. **

The nurse is nice, and she smiles at both Shikamaru and Temari, neither of which return the gesture. Her hands explore Temari's stomach, and Shikamaru's guts twist when he acknowledges that this woman had probably touched Temari more than he has. And he's the one who's supposed to get her pregnant. **I mean, of course his hands have touched much more of her body—well probably not her stomach—but he has touched other places on her more than this woman, but he doesn't explore these places or really **_**feel **_**them as this woman is doing, and he is kind of jealous, which he is very aware that he shouldn't be. Also, it is just one more reminder that this future child isn't made out of love. **

The woman is old, and as she pulled away from Temari with an expression far sadder than her previous smile, it is almost believable that she felt the same way Shikamaru and Temari were.

She had probably been through the experience of trying to get pregnant.

The only thing was, as much as Shikamaru wanted this to end, he didn't want Temari to get pregnant. He wanted to stop sleeping with her, that was a given, but he almost wished that something else would happen, some sort of miracle. **Does that make sense?**

Perhaps Gaara would intervene. Or Tsunade.

But what they were asking wasn't as surprising as he had initially thought. Campaigns like this were run all the time. This one was only done when threatened by their own bosses.

It was useless to fight the daimyo when members of the village were volunteering anyway.

He had hated Tsunade for a few days after she had proposed the mission to him, but she had offered him the assignment as a question rather than a request, and eventually she would have found someone to accept, and she wouldn't have to fight the daimyo.

He didn't like it, but it made sense. Twenty percent of the village's funds came from him. Shikamaru couldn't argue with that.

"I'll be back again," Temari is saying to the woman, signing a form.

The nurse only gives a solemn look, "good luck."

As they exit the building, Temari turns right and begins walking to the restaurant district. "Are you hungry?" **Btw, she feels like she should ask this. Like he says, she doesn't want him to join, but she wants to part from him without making this awkward. **

Shikamaru pauses, unsure of what she's implying even though the words are clear enough. "No."

She looks back at him. "Okay." He has a feeling she didn't really want him to join her anyway. This is awkward. It has been awkward, this whole afternoon. He thinks she should visit the medic on her own now on.

He expects her to turn back and continue walking away, but she just stands there, staring at him. He hasn't seen her face, _really seen it_, in years. Under any other circumstances, he is sure he would've been infatuated. **As in, he hasn't even really **_**looked **_**at her and now that he does, he acknowledges that she is incredibly attractive in his eyes and he also notices that if circumstances were different, he would be in love with her. This is a **_**big **_**statement. I mean, he isn't only talking about her looks. He is saying that if they weren't forced to conceive, they (or he) would be in love. The question then is, how does he know that? It isn't like they've had any sort of intimate conversation where he would develop feelings for her or anything. So this acknowledgement of the possibility (or AU circumstance) of love was developed before the story but only come to light now. **

**^the above is very confusing and not made at all clear. What I mean to say is that he is saying that if it had been different, he would have been in love her. I make it clear in the end that he is, in fact, already in love with her, but this is first time he has made any sort of comment to himself about this. **

**Once again, let me make is VERY CLEAR that his love is not new. He was in love with her before this story, but those feelings were not buried since they haven't seen one another in years and are only now coming to alight, though he is still very denial!Shikamaru.**

"I'll see you later, Temari." He says at last. Something dark clouds in her eyes, but her small smile betrays none of it as she turns to seek lunch.

He wonders if she is relieved that the test was negative.

**I can't even begin to decide. Yes and no. Idk. Temari is too difficult. She is surely sort of relieved it is negative, but at the same time furious. As is he. **

* * *

><p>Afterwards, it is easy to forget that they are so removed. <strong>After their sexual encounters is what he means. This is a while after he had gone to visit the doctor with her, days. <strong>

It is easy forget when he straightens his clothes and fixes his hair, when he walks out and nods to the attendant before descending down the stairwell, and when goes home still smelling of a woman he hardly touches.

He is well aware of the difference between themselves and lovers. But sometimes his cock burns for her, he ignores it, but it yearns for something it has never had, even when they pretend.

Sometimes he wants her.

And it is stupid, stupid to want her even more now when he sees all the ways he can have her and knows all the ways he can't. **One of my favorite lines. Probably one of the most important ones. **

But even with all that is happening, sometimes he wants her.

**Okay one of my biggest issues in this story was this part. Does the transition from their first encounter to here make sense? **

* * *

><p><strong>Finally! I have so much love for Shikaku. But I am always worried about writing him because I am unsure about his characterization. I see him as an older Shikamaru, but also more observant. Shikamaru is certainly more intelligent and quick, but he also doesn't <strong>_**understand **_**things easily. As in: his feelings (both before and now) about Temari, etc. etc. In my interpretation, Shikaku understands people better than Shikamaru.**

"So you've heard?"

Shikaku nods, dark eyes like daggers at his son. "I am the jonin-leader and _your _father, it is only right… it _will_ be my grandchild."

Shikamaru sighs, leaning back further in his chair. He should have suspected as much.

"I knew when Tsunade asked me to help find a loophole in the daimyo's request, and I knew when word came that it no longer mattered as Suna had agreed and already found a volunteer. What I didn't know was that my son was chosen as her partner."

"I volunteered, dad."

Shikaku took a deep breath, huge shoulders looking delicate as he slowly let it out. "Because she's your friend?"

"What choice did I have?"

A beat passes, but Shikaku understood the situation well enough. "It is not my job to tell your mother."

"I have yet to tell Tomomi."

There is silence for a few minutes before his father downs his tea. "Are you really okay with this, Shikamaru? I realize that this is for the Kazekage's sister, and the child will only be yours by blood, not by birth or childhood, but are you ready to have it?"

He didn't have to think about it. "No."

"You can always pull out, you know. **Wanted to change that line so badly so it wouldn't come out as inappropriate, but I kept it in for some reason. **I assume she's not pregnant yet, you can ask for a replacement. I know you think you're helping her, but it might be easier with a stranger."

**I think Shikaku is disappointed in his son. He understands that it is Shikamaru's duty and he does have a relatively sound reason for doing it, but he is saddened that this is the life his grandchild will be born into. But unlike Shikamaru's peers, Shikaku is very aware that it is not his place to get involved in trying to change Shikamaru's mind. **

"There's no point now though, is there?"

Shikaku stands up, taking the empty cups from the table. "Another man would treat this as a mission, as it is supposed to be treated. You're too personally involved."

"Personally involved? Because I know her? Dad, I sleep with her every other night, how can I _not_ knowher?"

"Another man wouldn't like her." **Once again, a big line. **

**Shikaku **_**knows about his feelings! **_**And this is obviously from very long ago, I mean, like Ino, he always had his suspicions about Shikamaru and Temari, but unlike Ino, he knew it was more than a passing feeling. Of course, he is a Nara, and he understands Shikamaru all too well, and he is probably perfectly aware that Shikamaru was in love when he was like… thirteen, long long before Shikamaru even realized he enjoyed Temari's company. But, ah he is too smart for his own good. That whole family is. **

**Also, be aware that Shikaku does say it would be better for her if she was with someone who didn't have feelings for her. **

"I don't _like _her."

Shikaku sighs, turning away and heading into the kitchen of his home. **Like I said, he acknowledges it is not his place to argue his son on this. **"Tell your mother soon. You don't want to find out what will happen if she learns about this from someone else…. But don't worry, she'll probably kill you anyway." **Code: I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to tell her or be there when she finds out. **

* * *

><p>His father is right.<p>

About all of it, really. **FINALLY. Denial!Shikamaru is more reluctant-to-believe!Shikamaru. **

He can't deny that the sex is awful, terrible in any sense. It is wrong and sick and dreadfully inhuman. He knows how much effort it takes to come, how difficult it is to see her face as he moves above her when she looks so immune, so indifferent. But he also knows how tight she feels, whether he lets the thought get to him or not.

He knows how warm she is inside, how encasing it felt to be sheathed inside her body. How round her rear feels as he held onto it to push himself in, or her strong legs as he adjusted one to alter the angle.

As a man he ignored these things, but as far as his cock went, it seemed more eager to be inside her every night. **That's also a pretty key line. **

She isn't responding more, that isn't it.

He came easier, but that had more to do with that fact that he had been taking her from behind more recently, and that allowed for him to picture someone else.

Some nights, it takes everything for him not to picture Temari.

But when he was behind her, he can move into her as though she were moving with him. He can imagine her face isn't passive and that her eyes aren't so hard. He can imagine her lips are open and she is moaning into her pillow. He always comes quickly when this happens, so quickly and harder than he had at first, that the sex doesn't feel as cheap or as wrong as it had those first two weeks.

But tonight, after having spoken to his father and being made well aware of his connection to Temari, he is having trouble.

He pushes into her harder, digging his fingers into her hips. He is conscientious when he pulls her hips back to meet his ever so slightly. He hasn't moved her an inch, but the little bit of added friction jostles fire into his groin.

Shikamaru can tell that she felt it too, and for once, he sees her react. **I think that was the biggest thing for him, her lack of reaction. **It is a clenching of her fingers around the sheets, but it is enough. He thrusts into her again, this time using his hands to pull her hips back as much as before.

It is the slightest change but it makes all the difference.

He can't help himself now.

They started late today and have lasted longer than usual. A single light is on in the building across the way, and he can see her body in the faded light, her skin looks pale blue and gold, a combination of a lamp and the moon.

He lets out a throaty moan.

It is the first noise, the first sexual one, that has been made in the weeks they've been together.

A hand begins wandering from her hip to span across her back, fingers spread wide as he pumps into her a little quicker now. His hand moves up to settle between her shoulder blades, lightly pushing her down.

She collapses into the mattress.

He can feel her clench around him, her walls locking onto his cock tightly. The moan is guttural this time, and it is accompanied by her name. He wants to, he wants to so badly, but he can't— he can't control himself anymore.

The hand on her back moves in a flash, slipping below her hip to the small protrusion of flesh between her legs. He presses down hard and she jerks around him, hips fighting against his as she tries to pull away.

**Okay, so I also had trouble with this scene. I actually kept a draft of this part, before remembering I had to focus on Shikamaru's POV:**

"**He is hitting her harder now, one hand digging into her hip, bruising, the other clamped between her legs rubbing and she can suddenly feel herself on fire. She had gone weeks without feeling anything, any touch or emotion. Now his hands spread electricity and she is dying around him, screaming. She is feeling everything and she hates it. **

**But he doesn't stop. He can't. **

**And she is feeling **_**everything**_**, and she loves it. **

**Every movement of his body is overwhelming and she is just shouting over and over and over and begging, **_**begging**_**. Tears loose themselves on her face and she is in so much pain but it doesn't matter because for the first time in so long, she is **_**feeling**_**.**

**And then her head begins to swim and she can't do anything anymore. He has stopped moving her hips.**

**Stars explode and the air is ripped from her lungs. And then there is weight on her and she can't move, she can't breathe, and she is just **_**dying. **_

…

**[when he see's her crying] he has never heard a sob so naked come from any real person. She is on her hands and knees, shoulders heaving up and down is slow, huge movements. She is crying with the force of someone vomiting on all fours, and he can't do anything to help her. **

**He can't even watch her, and his eyes wander down to the legs of his pants as he buckles his belt. "**

**Anyway, that was one version. Some of it I like, I think the last part really describes the action more than what I put in there. But it is too descriptive, whereas my writing is usually more minimal and about the unspoken/unwritten things, so that's mostly why this was all cut. Ah well. The following is, of course, the part that was actually published. **

He can hear her saying his name, yelling at him. She is fighting him and he can feel it, but her pleas are lost on his ears. He is using one hand to control her hips and keep himself inside her, the other to touch her.

She is still fighting, but her will has lessened, and now her jerks are more of deep grinds that are making his head swim.

She is moving with him now, meeting his thrusts over and over and her muscles flutter around him. **That 'and' should probably be 'as'. ** His body is on fire.

Temari is panting, her back arching, and seeing, no, _feeling_, her finally react to him is ruthless enough, but when she finally clamps down on him, her hands clawing at the sheets, this is what finally sends him over the edge.

The orgasm is nothing like it was last time, or the time before that, or any time they have been together. He is thrown off the cliff and he can't hear or think, nor does he have any willpower to move. He can only standby as his body convulses and he spills into her again and again, and for the first time, his mess drips down her legs. **Crude, but a very explanatory image, isn't it? (Though I normally hate when sex is so descriptive this way).**

It takes only a few seconds before it comes racing back to him. Who they are, what they're doing, what just happened.

What he did wrong. **Self-explanatory, but I feel the need to point this line out. Think of all the rules he's just broken.**

He had collapsed atop of her when he was done riding out the waves of pleasure, and now he hastily removes himself from her heat and jumps off the bed as though it were on fire.

She is naked, body spent, and breaths heavy. He tries to regain his balance.

He feels exhausted, and if the circumstances were any different, he would probably be an inch away from sleep. **Meaningless fact I've just come up with: in another world, and possibly in the future, when finished, they go to sleep pretty quickly, and he has this thing with keeping her close against him in their respective slumbers. **

But he isn't, and they aren't. **He needs to get that through his head!**

He hopes the attendant didn't hear them.

He stumbles to where his underwear was discarded earlier, slipping his legs into each end and pulling them to his hips with haste.

He has just let this get personal. **Code: Shikaku knows everything.**

Her voice comes first. "Shikamaru."

He is still panting.

"Why?" Her word is strained and he has a sickening feeling she is crying. She was the one who'd been so strong through all of this and now she was crying.

"Please, don't cry." He urges. He doesn't know how to deal with this. His emotions are running high enough as it is.

"Leave," she snaps, pushing herself up and facing away from him. "Get out."

He has no other will but to comply.

* * *

><p>Half his bed is occupied when he comes home. <strong>Ah fuck. <strong>

In some miracle, he manages not to groan in frustration as he pulls off his shoes and collapses beside Tomomi. She never comes to his bed so soon after a mission unless she is horny, but he respects her more when she acknowledges his exhaustion and after a quick kiss, settles to just sleep against him.

He shucks his shirt to the floor and moves to lean back against his own, much harder mattress.

As Tomomi scratches lightly against his chest, head on his shoulder, he is struck with the knowledge that the skin underneath his fingernails belongs to another woman.

And he is both pleased and sickened to know that she is sporting scratches down her back.

**Again, this scene is pretty self-explanatory. As I said before, Tomomi doesn't serve much of a purpose, besides to make things more difficult for Shikamaru. Also, a note on the last line—I think it pretty much explains all his conflicting feelings for Temari. He is also having a ton of issue with this whole 'having a kid thing', but as far as Temari goes, this line explains exactly what he's confused about. **

* * *

><p>"One more, Sir?"<p>

Shikamaru slips another two bills onto the table as he accepts his glass. The sake is strong, as strong as whatever it is she gave him that first night.

And the rush through his throat is good, the instant heating of his gut welcome and celebrated. **Tbh, I'm surprised he hasn't been drinking 24/7.**

It is here he can forget it all. Forget what happened the previous night, forget what may happen tomorrow, and the nights after that, forget how he must explain to his girlfriend his absence every other evening, find a way to convince his friends there is no reason he is avoiding Temari, and forget that the ending result of all of this will be a living, breathing child.

His child.

The boy (girl?) would have half his genes, half his blood. He might have his hair, or Yoshino's eyes? Would the child have his jutsu? **This really was confusing, because unlike some things, the Nara's shadow jutsus are supposedly all secret techniques, in which case, he'd have to be from the clan. But even if they weren't, even if she had been with some relative of his or even someone in possession of the technique with no Nara relation, everyone would suspect the child of being Shikamaru's. **

**The point is, what if this were to happen? (It kind of messes up the plot of this fic, so let us pretend the child has no such technique or something.)**

Would his child grow up practicing a jutsu from his father? Would he hear stories of his father, the Shadow Master Shikamaru? Would he read the bingo book and answer questions about his own dad?

Would Temari marry someone else? Would he grow up knowing some taller, stronger, surely more handsome man was his parent?

Would everyone think that this supposed perfect man had been the one to slide his cock into Temari, the one to milk her into orgasm, the one to sire her child?

Without thinking he gulps down the last few inches of his sake. His head is swimming.

She had only come once, and it was completely accidental on either end. **Though probably not as accidental on his end as he tries to believe.**

Perhaps they needed a break. They could resume this in another week or so.

But, he knew, the sooner she was pregnant, she sooner it was over. Taking a break was only prolonging the inevitable. And if he pulled out of the mission now, what was the point? Their friendship was already salvaged beyond repair. It wouldn't do any good if he didn't see it out till the end.

He puts down more money and the man brings him one more glass. The room is starting to spin now and he supposes he shouldn't drink this last one.

He just wants this to be over— his life was much simpler a month ago. Missions caused stress, yes. But not like this.

Shikamaru briefly wonders how much he's getting paid. It better be one fucking good amount. Whatever it is, it's surely far too little.

He can't help it when his hands raise the glass and his lips open wide enough for a decent amount of sake to spill down his throat.

As clearly as if he were sober, he can remember Temari's body last night. He remembers how she withered and jerked and what it felt like to have come for him. He wishes he could've seen her face when he finally got her there. After two weeks of painstakingly awkward intercourse, they had both given into pleasure.

If she only knew how good he could make it for her. **Another of my favorite lines.**

Last night had been nothing.

He could _make _her moan, he could _force _noise from her throat. He knows how to make it just right for the both of them, if only she'd let him.

Shikamaru finishes his glass.

* * *

><p>"You have a note," Choji comments, reaching onto the door the pull the tacked letter from the wood. "A bound one." <strong>I am always nervous about writing Choji. I feel like I should work on that more, esp. since he's in my new story a lot.<strong>

Shikamaru groans, his head is pounding and he can't think straight. The hangover will be killer come morning.

"Give it to me."

Choji eyes the note, but then hands it over. Shikamaru pricks his fingers on his teeth before dropping the blood onto the paper. It unseals itself immediately. Choji leans closer.

"'Are you busy tomorrow night?'... Is this how Tomomi asks you out?"

Shikamaru groans and shakes his head. "It's Temari— she's…. we have plans." He takes a step closer to the door. "_Fuck_."

"What is it?"

"Not again," Shikamaru leans against the wood, banging his head over and over in time with the throbs. "I thought it would work this time."

"What would… are you okay?"

Shikamaru shakes his head, falling to the floor of his porch.

He can't do this. He can't. He _can't_. He can't have his child be some genetic experiment performed to please his daimyo. And he can't have his child born out of unnatural, uncomfortable sex. Children were born out of love, and if he had to mate with Temari, so be it, but it would be done right.

He wouldn't come home and see the same note on his door again, as it was every other day.

"Where are you going?" Choji demands, left dumbfounded on the porch as Shikamaru heads off to the gates of the Nara estate.

"I have business to take care of."

"Business? You're drunk, Shikamaru."

But the man is already out of earshot; headed down the street to a place he hasn't been in years.

"He never was a fun drunk," a voice says as Choji steps back onto the ground.

Shikaku shifts the groceries he is holding to his other hand, looking back towards his own house only a few over. "But I suppose this type of business is better suited with a little drink."

"What do you mean?"

Shikaku sighs, "nothing. Now come home with me, Yoshino saw you pass and told me to come find you before I go inside. She's cooking duck for dinner. Are you hungry?"

* * *

><p><strong>I guess the most important part of the story is this section. I was contemplating only doing a commentary on this, but it is so brief, I decided to do the whole fic. Anyway—<strong>

**He went to her hotel to talk to her, as the previous section shows. He knows, somewhere deep down, that this is wrong. And he knows exactly what it will lead to. But he needs her. He needs to talk to her. And after the previous night, his heavily denied lust is pretty much taking over. **

**But more than that, he just needs **_**something**_**. He needs to touch her, to lose himself, but that's more her side, so I'll go into that in a moment.**

The banging on her door is probably much too loud for this sort of hotel as no more than three guests stick their heads out before she finally opens her door. **I imagine him kind of leaning on her door, banging over and over because she tries to ignore it before being forced to come open it. **She is staying in the same place she used to, back when they were proctoring the Chunin Exams.

He is surprised. She was so different then, he saw her as such a different person, that it was confusing to imagine her in the same place. **Tense confusion there, sorry! **He wonders if this mission hadn't been assigned to them, if they had reunited strictly as friends, would he still see her in the same light he had at fifteen?

"Oh," she says when she opens the door. "It's you."

She isn't glad to see him, that is obvious enough, even in his state, but for some reason, she steps aside and lets him in. In all reality, she can probably smell the alcohol on him and is aware that he will cause a scene if she doesn't grant him access to her suite.

"Can I help you?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. She is wearing pajamas, and he can't help but find them erroneously sexy. **I mean, like a set—big button down shirt and drawstring pants. Probably a solid dark color. Or white. Idk. **

"We need to talk about what happened." He manages, though his words are paced. He is not as intoxicated as he appears, and while his movements are far from controlled, they are neither slow nor deficient.

"Now? Couldn't this wait until you were, you know, perhaps more aware?"

"No." He pulls off his vest and slings it over a chair by the door. They are still standing in the entryway. "We need to talk about this baby."

"Shikamaru," her voice is a warning, her patience is thinning but he is taking no heed. **She is at the point that she remembers last night very well, but, as with everything, she has buried it so she feels nothing. But her feelings aren't nearly as deep since he tore them all up on the day before. And so she is perfectly aware of where this conversation is going (she's wrong, seeing as the conversation doesn't really continue) and so she warns him away from speaking.**

"We're doing this wrong." He continues, unabashed. He is stepping closer. "This, you and I. You're not pregnant because we're doing this wrong." **She is taking steps back, but he keeps gaining on her.**

"Shikamaru," she repeats, tone exasperated, "you know how these things work."

"Yes," he pulls the tie from his hair and rubs his fingers into his scalp. "And we're not doing it right." **She notices him undressing, but doesn't read into it.**

She is about to reply, but then thinks better of it. Her hands move to her hips. **And she knows what he wants at that moment and she has no intention of giving it to him.**

"What we have isn't sex, Temari. You have no idea how it could be, how _good _I could make you feel." Her cheeks turn red and her fists clench. He is toying with her anger and he is aware enough to know he doesn't have long before she either kicks, or knocks, him out. "_That _is what will get you pregnant, not this. Not us pretending." **Completely not true. They do happen to get pregnant this way, but it is not because they had 'normal' sex, I mean, technically this holds no standing is all I meant to point out. This is just Shikamaru being… Shikamaru. **

His breathing is heavy and she is staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"People get pregnant all the time from doing less than what we do, Shikamaru," she counters at last. "We're doing fine."

"No we're not."

She sighs and rolls her eyes, clearly done with the conversation. She gestures towards a small kitchen, "can I offer you some tea or— " **It's really impressive how long she manages to stay in control. **

His hands are on her hips, his body pressed to hers as close as they were that first night. His lips are on her neck, barely as he whispers over and over. "Temari, _please_."

A beat passes.

And then her hands are in his hair and her lips are so tight against his it is a miracle either of them can get enough breath in.

**Okay. So I need to really really make this clear:**

**She doesn't really want **_**him**_**. She wants him, yes, but she doesn't really want him as **_**Shikamaru, **_**if that makes sense. As said before, she is feeling nothing. And as he mentions, she needs something. It probably should be a fight, but instead he gives her sex. **

**And she just looses herself. All the emotions come crashing down on her and she needs an outlet. **

**Now, I do think she has feelings for Shikamaru. Ones that were before this story and, unlike his, have probably diminished throughout the story. When they were hanging out years ago, she was certainly old enough to know their relationship was far beyond amicable friendship, and in all likelihood, beyond lust and/or crushing. I don't think she was in love with him, not like he was (is, I guess) her, but she certainly felt something very deep for him. **

**And in any other circumstances, she would've been sleeping with him already. **

**But here, she just needs someone, hell, **_**something **_**to make her alive. And in any sense, she is searching for some sort of high that will take her far away from her life. He is offering that, and so, she takes him up on all it is worth. **

**She doesn't do it out of her feelings for him, but I don't mean to say tha she feels nothing. It is probably not until afterward though (in the next scene) that she has any feelings for him.**

It takes a moment, but then he realizes that the taste on her lips is whiskey. **Of course she too has been drinking. **

That is why this is happening.

He doesn't care.

Her lips are warm and firm and it is miraculous that he went all this time without feeling them. Surely, every man deserved to kiss these lips at least once. His life suddenly feels quite under-lived.

She is moving her mouth, nipping his lip between hers and he is just lost.

It is too hot. Her mouth and her skin, soft and fiery beneath his hands, against him. Oxygen doesn't run to his head and he is so dizzy he can't register that what is going on is wrong in every which way.

But she is kissing him and none of it matters.

She fits against his body just as he'd thought, curving herself into every inch of empty space, meeting every need he can't voice, but somewhere deep in his mind he is sure she is liking it too.

He opens his mouth and she gasps. Her tongue is light, hot and flaring and they are stumbling further into the suite. She has her fingers around his neck now, scratching at the base of his hairline.

Shikamaru doesn't know where to touch her; he doesn't know where she wants him. And it is awkward and new and _brilliant_. It is nothing like room 706, nothing wrong or sick, and he can't even concentrate enough to remember anything other than this.

"Condom?" He hears her ask.

It takes a gross amount of pure will to move his lips from hers. "Do we need one?"

Her breath is so heavy and her heart is thumping against his chest so loudly. He opens his eyes to see her attempt to concentrate. As if she suddenly remembers who they are and why she is here in the first place, she nods. "Right." And then they are kissing again and she is pushing him to a bedroom.

He feels his throat choke and he sees she is trying to force her hands into his turtleneck and it just isn't working. He moves away by some grace of god and pulls his shirt off so fast he tears the sleeve. His hands are furious on his buckle next and when he is touching her again, there is skin against skin and his chest is straining against her.

"Shikamaru," she groans as his lips touch her jaw, hands roaming and grabbing at her body without pause. **If you can't already imagine it, it is pretty furious sex. They are stumbling and insane and can't stop. I don't think sex often gets so demanding like this, and it wouldn't normally between the two of them, but right now all they seek is release. It is purely selfish, but they need it to happen.**

His arousal is throbbing against his zipper.

"I've wanted this," he hears himself say, "for— this for years." He doesn't know where the words came from and he doesn't care.

He just wants her.

**Okay, this is probably the second most important line of Shikamaru's part of the story. "I've wanted this for- this for years." It shows everything Shikamaru feels for her and everything he has been denying, to the point that he doesn't even realize where the words are coming from, only that he is saying them. **

"We shouldn't," she is saying. But her pants are falling lower the more he pushes his own hands down her hips and over her rear and the he is cupping her and her hesitance is gone and her legs collapse and they are then only a tangle of limbs on a bed. **(Errors: sorry.)**

She is touching him everywhere and before he knows it his pants are gone and she is stroking him.

"We shouldn't." She tries again.

But then he is pushing into her there, just _there _and nothing else matters. She is Temari and he is Shikamaru and they are on fire.

* * *

><p>He wakes up too early. His head is pounding and he is face feels swollen. He can see her above him, lips red as he grogs into wake. There is a light on in the room and pain splinters through his head. The hangover is killer, but she is also wearing a mans nightshirt, and he can only focus on one thing at a time.<p>

**As I said above, I imagine this is when she feels something for him. She's probably been sitting here for a while, watching him sleep. I picture her thinking about him, about what they had and what they've lost and just about everything concerning Shikamaru. This is the first time she has really thought about him since the story began. **

She is sitting beside him, legs crossed and flaxen hair pooling over her shoulders, messy and knotted. If he could, he would lie here and make love to her for the rest of the day, but the clock beside the bed reads four am and it is time for him to leave.

**I actually love that paragraph. I love the image of her sitting on the bed, probably by his knees, facing him and just watching. I love him acknowledging that he wants to "**_**make love**_**" (big words for him! XD) to her for hours. And I love that he has to leave.**

She says as much, "you should probably leave before it gets light."

He nods and sits up slowly, clenching his fists into the blankets before relaxing and stretching out his fingers. "We probably shouldn't do this again, not while…" it goes against everything he wants to say –to do— but it is what he needs to say. **If you didn't get this, he trails off to let her know that he doesn't want this to be a one time thing.**

"Not while we are on this mission? Or not while you have a girlfriend?" **She had never expected it to be more than one-night, but this is too heavy a conversation and they're limited on time (also, she is kind of secretly curious to his answer) so she jokes on it.**

He can't help the smirk. "That does complicate things."

But she only shrugs. "No more so than they already are."

He pushes himself out of bed. His shirt is by the door, but the rest is all piled on the bottom of the bed. **When I say shirt, I secretly meant flak jacket (not a mistake at all!) **He blushes when he sees it, and hopes she doesn't see the stain of redness on his face when he slips everything back on.

"Shikamaru," she says as he buckles his slacks. He glances over and she pauses, eyes falling to her curled up legs as she hesitates. "I don't think I'd mind… you know, if it worked this time." **Big words for Temari! Now, I think she is sincere in this. Of course she minds, as shown later, but at this moment, she doesn't regret what happened between them, and this is how she lets him know that. She agrees with him in this traditional "born out of love" thing, and she does realize that what happened last night, however different for each party, was done in 'love', if that makes sense when including my previous comments on her side.**

He doesn't know what to say, how to react. But she is right. If they had conceived a child last night, he wouldn't mind. **In that he doesn't regret it. Again, as displayed in the end, he does mind, just less so than had it happened in 706.**

He has put on his shirt now, and as she sits there brushing the pads of her fingers along her calf absently, he slips his hair back into place and untwists his sleeves, wondering all the while how she can be so calm about all of this.

And wondering why on earth he isn't. **I like these images too. **

"Take the back stairwell," she tells him a few moments later. He nods. They never know who is watching.

"I'll see you tonight," he says lightly. Her shoulders jostle as if she is holding in a laugh, but her face is as passive as ever. He remembers exactly how her body was burning against his only a few hours before, but now the memory is withering and open and he feels removed from her once more.

The morning is waiting for him when he exits her building.

**All in all, that was by far my favorite part. I loved writing it and I loved rereading it. **

* * *

><p>"How's it going?" Shikamaru asks. <strong>He isn't <strong>_**dreading **_**706 today, can you tell?**

The attendant shrugs. "Same old."

"Do you do anything besides stand outside a room while I have sex?"

"It's better than your job."

Shikamaru snorts, "I suppose that's true."

They continue up the rest of the way in silence. Room 706 looks particularly scary today. He'd rather stay in the hall.

"Do you do this for many people?"

"If you're asking me to discuss confidential inform—"

"No," Shikamaru clarifies, "I'm just wondering if perhaps you've done this before, worked, you know, with other couples?"

The man takes a deep breath and nods. "Yes."

He wonders how many other people have been in their position. He'd thought that he and Temari were the first, for Konoha and Suna at least. "Does it always go this way?"

"You mean in length? Some can take one or two visits, others take weeks."

"What about afterwards?"

"I don't work with that," the attendant says, "but the child is raised to be a shinobi, I know that much."

"Yeah," Shikamaru responds. He knew that much too.

The attendant unlocks the door, "she's waiting for you."

**This scene was also unimportant. It served to put a break between two **_**big **_**ShikaTema scenes and to answer some lingering questions about the program. Btdubs, the attendant's job sucks.**

* * *

><p>"Well?" She says, arms crossed in front of her as she paces before him. "Say something."<p>

"What do you want me to say?" He is at a loss.

"Anything!" She snaps, eyes dark with a warning. "Just say _something_." **I don't think I showed it well enough, but I think she is beginning to become more of herself, less fucked-up, than before, in any sense. **

But what is there to say?

He crumples the paper in his hand, careful enough to not damage it, but certainly with the intent to inflict harm. **It is a form that verifies the test was positive, fyi.**

"I don't think I'm ready for this."

She'd gone to Sakura this afternoon, manipulating the girl's friendship with Temari's youngest brother to her will. She didn't have a doctor's appointment until the next day, so Sakura had helped her out.

"You knew perfectly well what we were doing, you knew it had to result in this."

He'd known he was going to be a father. He'd known they were going to have a child. It wasn't a surprise.

But to know that right now his sperm had created a child, to know that right at this very instant his son or daughter was growing— "if it were anyone else's I would tell you to get rid of it." **As in, regardless of their mission, if she had gotten pregnant (even in the mission though) he would have pushed for her to abort it, but since it is his (whether they'd been dating and just normally had sex or done it in the program) he would want her to keep it. Both because it is his child and because it is her having his child. **

How he wishes she would. **I mean, he is so conflicted on it, and does wish she would do it without telling him, but he in incapable of telling her that, because he does want it in some ways. Does that make sense? It doesn't seem to now as I write it… a.k.a story of my life. **

She clenches her fists, "but it's yours."

He takes a deep breath. He'd been waiting for this moment for almost a month and now he has no idea how to proceed.

She sighs and moves to sit beside him. "Why did you sign up for this?"

"For the same reasons you did."

"No," her hands run down her legs and come achingly close to this knee. "I did it because it was my duty. I am a master of the wind, a royal sister to the Kazekage and the daughter of two past ones. I was born into protecting Sunagakure, and as long as that is still my duty, I will continue to serve the village at its will. Gaara gave his life a while ago when the Akatsuki attacked. He put himself between the village and those who would do it harm. Even if I'm only giving up a few years of my life, and my sacrifice is incomparable to his, it is the least I can do to serve my people. You are just from a middle-class clan with a fair amount of missions under your belt and a respected name in the bingo book, please tell me how we are the same?"

"You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?"

"I don't make rash decisions."

"Right." He rubs his eyes and looks out at the fading light from the window. "I mean, you did this to protect your people, I did this to protect you. You were my friend. How could I refuse when the end result would only be you pregnant with a stranger's kid?" **Yes, but now he has also acknowledged that their were other reasons he did this. **

**To put it another way: he claims he did this because she was his friend. Ino is his friend. Ino is much much closer to him that Temari ever was. Would he do this for Ino?**

**To give a straight answer: no.**

**First of all, that does depend on circumstances. If her life were in danger, he probably would. But in this case, no. He would probably insist on talking her out of it and threaten her if she didn't. But if she went through with it, he'd make sure she was with someone good and take of her. He wouldn't volunteer for it though. **

He doesn't see her reaction to this, and he is certainly trying not to look, but the words hit hard enough. "_Bastard_."

He'd figured as much. **Well, yeah.**

Temari swallows. "I don't need your protection. You're just making things harder."

"So my father says."

"Smart man." She stands up again, unable to sit still. "Do you always do things like this, for friends?"

He was not a stupid man, and after last night, it was easy for him to discern that it was more than the need to protect an old friend and ally; he'd wanted to protect the one he _loved_. But it hardly mattered. **Okay, there it is: most revealing line in the story. **

**He does love her and he does **_**FINALLY **_**acknowledge this! You go, Shikamaru!**

**Once more: these feelings did not come about during this story. They were there in the beginning, only somewhat roused and realized in the story. He certainly didn't fall in love with her in room 706.**

"What do we do now?" He asks, ignoring her question. **Of course, there's no way he's going to tell her he loves her. For the anon who got angry he didn't just come out and say it: sorry, but that's not like him. Mostly because he knows it would be putting her in even worse a position and he really has no right to say anything. **

"We've completed our mission."

"Are you going home?"

"I suppose so."

He looks back at her. "We could get married." **When he offers this, it isn't because he loves her. I mean, there is a difference between being in love and wanting to be married. I am very much in love, I am not inclined to be married in the near future in any sort. I only mean this is not a product of his realization, but more of a reasonable (and somewhat good) idea that he's just come up with.**

She stops pacing.

"It's probably what they want." **He means the damiyos and Kages. They probably don't want it, since that would only cause more problems, i.e. the nationality of the family, but they would be good if Shikamaru and Temari continued producing children, which is what he means in this sentence. **

"It's not like that, Shikamaru. You don't have to feel obligated, you're not supposed to." She is clearly shocked.

He could argue, but she'd probably shoot him down. He wouldn't mind marrying her, he had become rather keen on the idea in the last few seconds since posed, but he isn't going to stand by it.

They descend into silence and he doesn't really mind this time.

He has known this was coming, he knew the test would eventually be positive and Temari would head back to the Sand. He knew all of this, but that doesn't mean he likes it.

Eventually she sits beside him once more, fingers racing along his leg as they both sort some things out. **I don't remember why I had her hands on his leg versus her own, but I imagine there was so big intentional purpose to this. =p**

"Stay," he says after a good ten minutes, "stay with me, tonight." **I think this explains itself, as a lot of his lines seem to. He obviously is well aware (both because of the comment last night and the moment he knew he did in fact love her) of his feelings, but at the same time wants to comfort her. And, although this isn't really addressed, unlike Temari, he has concocted this small idea that this can work out. **

**He loves her and he knows (secretly hopes) that she has (or could have) similar feelings. He knows that the child was created in a moment of love (which it wasn't really, more a moment of desperation) and he has this idea that they really could be a family. **

**Plus, as has long been neglected, he does want to have sex with her again. If not already said explicitly—last night was **_**fucking amazing. **_

"We shouldn't be doing this now." **She is referring to both the sex and the relationship part. She doesn't deny him, if anything, agrees to it, but is more aware that now is not the time. I think she's been aware of a potential/far-off relationship between them since they were young. **

"How long?" **This relates to the relationship. **

"Years, maybe."

**Okay, so basically what just happened is that they do agree to have a family. Not with this child necessarily, but they do both communicate that they want to be together (though she is much more hesitant and not nearly as sure about this as he is. But like I said, she's always seen this coming.)**

"Temari," he takes a breath, "I know what I signed up for, but it's my child too."

She nods softly, nails still scratching at his knee. "I know." **Okay, the last line spoken. **

**So, I mean to end this in that the future is ambiguous. She is finally openly saying that she knows this isn't one-sided, which has really been an issue for her this whole story. But she is also saying that it **_**isn't **_**his and this **_**can't **_**happen between them. So everything is left in the open here, both to you guys and to them. **

**I did this mostly because I think to add more would make it WAYYYYYY too long, but also because there is no good way to end it. To have her leave is wrong and to have her stay is impossible. Basically, it doesn't end here in the story—it is as open-ended to them as it is to us, so there is really no completion. At this point in time, Temari knows that she is going to leave. He does too, though he is loath to admit it. But whether they end up together and whatever happens with this child, well that is all up in the air, so there can be no ending for us because there isn't one for them. But to clear it up for that one reviewer: the marriage part wasn't intentionally ambiguous. If this confused you, then I want to make clear that she refused his half-serious proposal. They are not getting married. **

**What does end up happening (in my head):**

**Temari goes back to Suna. At times throughout the beginning of the pregnancy, she goes back into the "emotionless" state that she was in in the beginning of the story. But apart from that, she accepts her pregnancy and learns to enjoy it. While she is not happy, she is no longer angry. And she is secretly very glad it is Shikamaru's. But she never tells anyone. Gaara and her don't talk about it, and Kankuro (probably off a threat from Gaara) doesn't ask her about it. **

**Everyone just thinks she is pregnant from a casual affair or something. She doesn't explain anything past this. **

**Shikamaru, on the other hand, falls apart when she leaves. He tries to keep it together, but has a lot of trouble. He has already broken it off with Tomomi, probably a day or so after this story ends. Fortunately, he is not off the handle long before Shikaku pulls him back, though he does become more of a loner for a good year or so, particularly when he gets news that his child (a son) has been born. **

**But over time, he moves on as much as he can. **

**He gets a genin team and trains them well. Eventually they gets sent on a mission that requires going to Suna. Tsunade initially offers it to someone else and Shikamaru hears about it through the grapevine. After a night of memories crashing down on him, he goes to Tsunade and requests his team take the mission. She hesitates to give it to him, but eventually relents. **

**Their son is about two and a half now. **

**And while much more reserved since this the program, Temari is a very loving mother and is very happy in her life. She has a beautiful son that she dedicates everything to. And she can now go on missions again, which is a bonus. **

**When Shikamaru and his team come, they run into one another on the street. **

**She is buying something when she sees him watching her. The lock gazes for a second before interrupted when her son, who had waddled over somewhere a few minutes before (he is perfectly safe in Suna btw, everyone loves the kid, plus no one wants to be responsible for something bad happening to the boy, since you know, Gaara's wrath isn't something anyone wants to imagine) comes back. **

**Shikamaru breaks his gaze from her to see a little boy with hair as black as his own standing there. It is one of those things where time pauses and, eventually, Temari (who, like I've said, is in a much better place than during this story) leads their son by the hand to come meet Shikamaru. **

**When they are only a foot or so apart, Shikamaru, who is most likely forgetting to breathe properly, looks to Temari for permission, and when she nods, bends down to greet his son. He introduces himself as a friend to the boy's mother.**

**The son doesn't talk to him and Shikamaru finds himself beginning to cry (which has nothing to with the kid not speaking, but just the fact that he is seeing his son for the firs time). His genin team runs over and he hastily bids Temari and their child farewell. He probably says "it was good to see you." And she grins and says, "You too." Like this were any accidental run-in.**

**Eventually they both begin traveling between the Sand and Leaf more. They don't resume their old jobs as ambassador/guide, but they do go between each place more both recreationally and for work purposes. **

**They never work directly together. **

**They never go out together or walk together, they never hold hands or any of that. They aren't friends in the least. But they have all mutual friends and, on occasion, when they are out with other people, they find themselves alone together for a minute or so. **

**They are usually silent for a few seconds before one of them speaks, and then it is just how are you. **

**Once, when their son is a few months away from turning five (Temari's 28 and Shikamaru 25) she tells him that their son asks about him. **

**She says that he asks about his father. The paragraph probably goes: "'He asks about you, you know.' Her fingers wander over the edge of glass and he wonders just how much she has had to drink. 'He says that parents are supposed to love one another and be married. He says that whenever someone talks about his dad, that I make a face.' She pauses, taking another sip. 'He asks how I feel about his father.'" **

**And then Shikamaru wouldn't respond for a few moments, but finally says "and what did you say?"**

"**That I'm in love with him."**

**He wouldn't do anything about this though. They probably kept silent for a bit before someone interrupted them. He is vaguely surprised at her confession. I mean, they haven't really spoken in years, but at the same time he has known it all along.**

**They don't see one another for a few months after, and that conversation is never mentioned again.**

**The next time they see one another, he is in Suna on business. He stops by to see his son, which he has never done before, and she invites him in. They are truly alone for the first time in five years. They make love that night in her bed. It is not fast or rushed, but he is sure sex has never been so expertly executed (though in reality it was probably a bunch of elbow jabs and awkward laughs). The next morning, they are woken up by their son as if they were a real family. **

**They go to bed together casually for a few months before their son is 'mistaken' for being Shikamaru's. They stop seeing one another after that. **

**When they see one another again, two months have passed. They have the conversation both had been avoiding for years. They talk about what happened in the program. They talk about their secrets an their feelings.**

**They end up in bed once again. **

**When Shikamaru is 28 he permanently moves to the Sand. (That's 8 years after this story takes place. IT TAKES THEM ALMOST A DECADE TO END UP TOGETHER!)**

**Their child figures out that Shikamaru is his real father, but he never learns the circumstances of his birth. **

**The program created nine other children, five in Konoha and five (including their's) in Suna before it was shut down.**

**Now, back to the ending of the story!**

The window is covering the both of them in the last traces of daylight as they sit upon the worn, ugly bed. He can feel her breathing, heavy and slow, so different than it had been not twenty-four hours before. He isn't sure which way he prefers it.

He can feel the faint counterpoint rhythm of her heartbeat too, loud and betraying of her calm demeanor. It's nothing at all, but it's hers and it's his and it's enough, enough for tomorrow at least.

* * *

><p><strong>So, there it is. A commentary that probably helped no one! (Is anybody even reading this still? If so, than a very big thank-you and congratulations! It means a lot.)<strong>

**I put a lot of effort into this story, more so than with anything else I've written on here, but rereading it I feel like I should've put more. I'm sorry not everything was made clear in the original (though I hate when things are too obvious).**

**If you have any other questions, I will answer them as clearly as I can. **_**I just want to avoid more confusion! **_**XD**

**So once more, thanks to everyone for reading/reviewing this and the original! It means a lot!**

**Have a great rest of break!**

**See y'all later-LM**


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